To be bipolar or not to be bipolar, that is the question.

So a trip to the doctors on Thursday last week saw me exploring the possibility or chance that I may be a suffer or suffering with or from Bipolar.

I always find it immensely lifting when seeing the doctor, Wellbeing Coach or Counsellor, and it feels much more benefiting than 1000 tablets, and I do recommend having a session with someone if you can. My reasons are that I feel that I am moving forward, not backward, not dormant but moving forward.

The Doctor or Counsellor will ask questions such as:

– Whats be happening since last time we met?
– Did I try some of the actions we discussed?
– How did I get on and was there any benefits?

These few simple three questions open up a huge response from me which enables me to reflect on the previous few weeks or months. All the while the Counsellor will be using the most effective piece of kit they own… their ears, they are listening, and that my friend is gold to me.

In asking what’s been happening since the last time we met, this gives me a chance to think of events, actions or situations that have effected my moods positively or negatively and look to see how such an event triggered a good mood or bad mood.

I have come to realise that the term ‘Trigger’ does not have to be associated with all negative connotations and bad responses or reactions. If I stubbed my toe then that may trigger a chain of events that sends me tumbling to the depths of depression. (I will have a blog on this soon to explain this). But on the same note, if I win a £10.00 prize on Saturday Nights’ Lotto ticket this can and should ‘Trigger’ a happy and celebratory response.

Therefore, the term ‘Trigger’ should have an interchangeable floating meaning, a bit similar to your bank account balance, it can be in credit or in debit depending on the actions and if you use Sage Accounts (or Xero) then you will know you can set the nominal account 1200 to be a floating nominal so that it appears in either Current Assets or Current Liabilities depending on the sign convention of the balance.

So back to Bipolar (if your still awake 🙂 …)

This came about after a conversation with my wife (My Rock) discussing the Depression I have struggled with for such a long time that I suggested that perhaps I get checked out for Bipolar.

It wasn’t that I was going looking for further or additional problems in order to make my situation worse but simply the fact that I was exploring for answers and hopefully would take a step towards finding a solution to the Depression to understand it once and for all.

The theory behind my thought process was this – I always thought and maintained in my mind rightly or wrongly that depression was a short term issue that would eventually pass with medication. I thought that if my problem did actually lie with bipolar then two things could happen:-

– I would be on the correct medication for the correct diagnosis.

This is not to say I felt I had been misdiagnosed, no not at all, but more the fact that things change and to keep on with looking for a solution I should not become complacent with the ‘status quo’. And after all the depression has lasted for many many years of ups and downs. i.e. a long term problem.

After answering a number of questions that needed to be answered honestly, as we all know, ‘good data in means good data out’ or in a more direct manner as a boss once said ‘Shit in, Shit out’. (He had another meaning of FIFO also but I will save that one for another day), we concluded that I was not a sufferer or suffering with or from bipolar – which was great news. I felt that we had explored for answers and indeed got answers and I was happy with this.

We did a depression questionnaire as we do every now and again and it indicated that I was suffering from ‘Severe Depression’ it was a high mark and anything over 50% is a pass as my college teacher use to say.

Well I truly passed this one with flying colours, not full marks, but the question that could have reach the 100% marker was the question we all dread to answer. ‘Do you have thoughts of hurting yourself?’ For me on this occasion it was a ‘No’.

But, if you do please seek help – you are not alone

– Samaritans –
– Mind –
– Shout –

So, where do we go from here, I feel tired during the day, cannot sleep at night and am very lucky that these are the only side effects from the Fluoxetine 20mg x 3 tables I take each day,

The Doctor suggested to try another tablet and I am up for that, I have to give it a go, nothing ventured nothing gained ‘he who dares Rodney’ and all that, as long as it is not Sertraline.

Sertraline tablets took me to a very, very dark place a few years ago and I faithfully returned to Fluoxetine with my tail between my legs.

So Citalopram 20mg it is then, I hadn’t heard of this one so “lets do it” I said. Reducing the Fluoxetine from 3 tablets (60mg) down to 2 (40mg) then 1 (20mg) over a three week period to finally zero and as a bonus I can take the Citalopram straight way which is good as I don’t have to experience the coming off the tables then being on nothing for 4 days before starting the new tablets as I did with Sertraline, oh, dark days they were.

So far, so good, feeling positive I will keep you updated,

I have done it! What a feeling, I have achieved something today, this week, this year. I have blogged today.
Have a good day!

Have a good day!

The Depressed Accountant

TDA Day-to-Day, Medication ,