The Silent Struggle: Hiding Depression from Clients
The Fear of Being Exposed
As an accountant, the pressure to maintain a professional image is immense. We’re expected to be reliable, composed, and in control of the numbers we deal with and the businesses we help run. But for someone struggling with depression, this can feel like an impossible standard. The fear of clients finding out about my mental health issues was overwhelming. I was terrified they would see me as a failure, someone unreliable and unprofessional – someone who couldn’t possibly be trusted with their business.
The Anxiety of Hiding the Truth
For years, I kept my depression hidden away, convinced that if clients knew the truth, it would diminish my credibility. How could I help them with their businesses when I couldn’t even take care of myself? It made the anxiety I felt every day worse, adding another layer to my depression. But the longer I kept it hidden, the harder it became to keep up the mask. It was exhausting.
Accepting the Truth
It took a long, long time to even hint to people that I was struggling, let alone openly admit that I was taking medication for depression. The shame I felt was hard to shake, and it seemed impossible to reconcile my mental health with my role as a professional. But over time, the conversation around mental health began to change. More and more companies and charities are speaking out about mental health issues, and I began to realise that depression isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s part of who I am, and it doesn’t make me any less of a professional.
“It’s Good to Talk”
Bob Hoskins’ famous line from the 1996 British Telecom (BT) advert – “It’s good to talk” – has never resonated with me more. Talking about my depression, whether with my wife, a counsellor, friends, or even people at the bus stop, has been a game changer. The more I talk, the more I realise that I’m not alone in this. And while it might be difficult at times, opening up has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.
“I have done it! What a feeling, I have achieved something today, this week, this year. I have blogged today.”
Thanks for stopping by – Have a good day!
The Depressed Accountant™